Poem 22

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This world of ours 5

(For optimal effect, listen to this while reading.)


Recently, a man in the Ukraine celebrated the completion of his 116^th year upon this Earth. That is 42,340 days, 1,016,834.3 hours, or 61,010,058 minutes.
1. Ukraine's 'oldest man' turns 116

Meanwhile the days in Darfur remain just as dismal:
2. Hopes fade for solution for Darfur
3. Sudan defiant on Darfur suspects
4. Darfur 'was worst abuse of 2006'
5. Kansas Senate Approves Sudan Divestiture

As do the prospects of curbing the earth's spiking warmth:
6. 'Now or never' for climate action
7. Wrangling delays climate report
8. Ethical Man's top ten tips for ethical living

Don't fret, though— that kills brain cells:
9. Stressful event kills brain cells

We still have reason to be happy, or at least reasons for it. So be happy: socialize, be kind, exercise, roll in the dirt, or be a Dutch child.
10. Path to true happiness 'revealed'
11. Dirt exposure 'boosts happiness'
12. Why are Dutch children so happy?

If you're a Chinese teenager, though, you're going to have to find other roads to happiness than MMOs:
13. China seeks to 'limit game hours'


Oh, and abstinence-only sex education DOESN'T work. ("[T]he US federal government spends $176 million on them annually...") If it's any consolation, you can still take your kids to a newly-built anti-evolutionary-science museum.
14. US sex-abstinence classes queried
15. Sex Abstinence Programs A Waste Of Time And Money
16. Creationist museum challenges evolution


Lewis Black, who—for whatever improbable reason—had a show in Salina, Kansas recently, has some thoughts pertaining to the latter (#16):

Whenever someone says they believe the earth was created in 7 days, I grab a fossil and say, "Fossil." And if they keep talking, I throw it just over their heads.

There are people who believe that humans and dinosaurs co-existed. And what this is, plain and simple, is a psychotic reaction. These people are stone-cold-f***ing nuts. I can't be nice about this, because these people are watching the Flinstones as if it were a documentary.

[Can't think of a segue]:


17. Japan anger at US sex slave bill


And is the media's depiction of women as sex objects good for the mental health of young girls? In case you can't already guess:
18. Sexualisation 'harms' young girls


Meanwhile, I have my fingers crossed for peace in Northern Uganda, although I'm doubtful:
19. Uganda rebels sign new ceasefire

I'm also hopeful for Iraq, although I have little or no reason to be:
20. Bush, Democrats trade accusations in war stand-off
21. Iraqi deaths survey 'was robust'
22. Payouts reveal Iraq civilian toll¹
23. In pictures: US war artist

But of course, as Obama says:

There are no good options in Iraq. At this point there are bad options and worse options.

Speaking of Mr. Obama, the 2008 presidential campaigns are looking to be pricey (as in "record-breaking" pricey):
24. Obama fundraising rivals Clinton


Also in the news:
25. Office workers 'risk blood clots'

26. Autism gene breakthrough hailed
27. Clear obesity gene link 'found'

28. When exercise becomes an obsession [too much exercise can be bad for mental health]

29. Danish protests turns flowery

30. Bed sharing 'drains men's brains'


And hot off the press (what the fuck?):
31. Sudan man forced to 'marry' goat



¹

One file records a payment of $35,000 made to a family in Hib Hib, Iraq, after US forces "accidentally discharged 155 mm rounds", killing three children aged five, 16 and 18 and damaging their home.

I was thinking, you know, I'm spending something upwards of $55,000 on college, and the compensation for three lives and a home is only $35,000. We're also spending some $165 million annually on abstinence education.

---

Just a castaway
An island lost at sea
Another lonely day
With no one here but me
More loneliness
Than any man could bear
Rescue me before I fall into despair, oh.

I'll send an S.O.S. to the world
I'll send an S.O.S. to the world
I hope that someone gets my (x3)
Message in a bottle. (x2)

A year has passed since I wrote my note
But I should have known this right from the start
Only hope can keep me together
Love can mend your life
But love can break your heart

I'll send an S.O.S. to the world
I'll send an S.O.S. to the world
I hope that someone gets my (x3)
Message in a bottle (x4)

Walked out this morning
Don't believe what I saw
A hundred billion bottles
Washed up on the shore
Seems I'm not alone at being alone
A hundred billion castaways
Looking for a home

I'll send an S.O.S. to the world
I'll send an S.O.S. to the world
I hope that someone gets my (x3)
Message in a bottle (x4)

Sending out an S.O.S. (x24 ¹/₂)


11/16 update:

Two significant happenings:
32. US university shooting kills 33
33. Sudan agrees to UN peacekeepers

445,000 calorie Jesus.

1. Chocolate Jesus exhibit cancelled
2. Controversial chocolate Jesus exhibit canceled
3. Artist Says Offers Pouring In For 'My Sweet Lord'
4. Day in Pictures: Easter celebrations

One last batch of Wittgenstein quotes

"The limits of my language means the limits of my world."

"If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world."

"Like everything metaphysical, the harmony between thought and reality is to be found in the grammar of the language."

"The essential thing about metaphysics: it obliterates the distinction between factual and conceptual investigations."

"The logic of the world is prior to all truth and falsehood."

"Logic takes care of itself; all we have to do is to look and see how it does it."

"It is one of the chief skills of the philosopher not to occupy himself with questions which do not concern him."

"Philosophy is a battle against the bewitchment of our intelligence by means of language."

"Philosophy is like trying to open a safe with a combination lock: each little adjustment of the dials seems to achieve nothing, only when everything is in place does the door open."

"The real discovery is the one which enables me to stop doing philosophy when I want to. The one that gives philosophy peace, so that it is no longer tormented by questions which bring itself into question."

i. Quotes and aphorisms
ii. Random accumulated thoughts and quotations
iii. "..." 3
iv. "..." 2
v. What's left of metaphysics

The entertainment value of metaphysics

Last week I was browsing the Oxford University Press website to see if Jesse Prinz's The Emotional Construction of Morals was out yet in the U.S. (nope) when I stumbled across a book with a most peculiar title: The Riddles of Existence by Earl Conee and Theodore Sider.

1. Oxford University Press: The Riddles of Existence

This really says it all (click for a larger view):



This book deserves great praise for not only focusing on metaphysics at a time when many contemporary philosophers regard the subject as a silly and incorrigibly misled development in the history of philosophy, but for making metaphysics accessible and, more importantly, fun.

I believe that this book is ushering in a new revolution—a revolution where philosophy, and metaphysics in particular, becomes a dominant form of mainstream entertainment.

The biggest draw of metaphysics is that one can discover profound ahistorical truths about the world and existence simply through armchair reflection.

Take, for instance, a modern version of St. Anselm's ontological argument:

1. God is the entity than which no greater entity can be conceived.
2. The concept of God exists in human understanding.
3. Assume God does not exist in reality.
4. The concept of God existing in reality exists in human understanding.
5. If an entity exists in reality and in human understanding, this entity is greater than it would have been if it existed only in human understanding.
6. From 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 an entity can be conceived which is greater than God, the entity than which no greater entity can be conceived.
7. Assumption 3 is wrong, therefore God exists in reality.

Exactly. Not only apodictically correct, but apodictically fun.


As a devout metaphysician myself, I've long accepted arguments of this sort for their rich intellectual vigor and logical infallibility. But my position has shifted after further consideration of the metaphysical observations attributed to the pre-Socratic philosopher Thales of Miletus (c. 6^th century B.C.E.).

Whereas St. Anselm and Descartes understood the existence of God to be necessary due to our having the very idea of God, and Spinoza and Leibniz took everything to be, more or less, an extension of God, Thales boldly used Occam's razor to its fullest and reached a grander (albeit less theistic) conclusion: Everything is water.

Unfortunately, however, this reality has still yet to dawn on most thinkers, much less the general public. However, it was, and still is, a crucial tenet of Bruce Lee's ontological philosophy. The martial artist indeed studied philosophy as his major in college, and his assent to the philosophy of Thales is clearly evident in his often-quoted assertion, "Be water, my friend."

Further, with the moistness of Thale's first principle firmly ingrained, as well as Bruce Lee's name recognition and chiselled features, I believe that we can go beyond just entertainment value in the marketing of metaphysics and incorporate sex appeal.


I've devised the following irrefutable argument to prove that this is not only possible but necessary:

1. Sex sells. (The quality of being sexy sells.)
2a. Wetness is sexy.
2b. Bruce Lee is a sexy celebrity.
2c. Things associated with sexy celebrities are themselves sexy.
3a. Metaphysics is wet (by extension of Thales' first principle)...
3b. Furthermore, metaphysics is associated with a sexy celebrity (i.e. Bruce Lee).
4. Therefore Metaphysics is sexy.
5. Therefore, metaphysics sells.

Likewise we can devise a similar argument:

1. Wetness is sexy.
2. Everything is water.
3. Water is wet.
4. Therefore, everything is wet.
5. Therefore, everything is sexy.
6. Leibniz is a thing.
7. Therefore Leibniz is sexy.

Or, as an alternate argument, I simply present this picture of Leibniz:




11:16 PM update:

Some unlearned readers may instead prefer the philosophy of Witteringswine. I believe that these readers (water-beings) are entitled to their opinions (water-thoughts), however wrong they may be. In accord with this principle, I am going to provide links to two of his works in high hopes that the reader will be apt to pick up on their dryness.

Early Witteringswine:
1. Tractatus Fuselagico-Umbilicus

Late Witteringswine:
2. Philosophical Tribulations