Friday, March 28, 2008

The powerful [sic] oratory of George W. Bush

Regardless of how future historians attempt to treat the legacy our president's last 8 years, I think there should be a sic section in forthcoming history textbooks—just a page or two of primary sources documenting things he actually said in order to give future Americans a better grasp of why he was ridiculed so often.

For example:

"I think anybody who doesn't think I'm smart enough to handle the job is misunderestimating [sic]." April 3, 2000.

"I have a different vision of leadership. A leadership [sic] is someone who brings people together." August 18, 2000.

"And America needs a military where our breast [sic] and brightest are proud to serve, and proud to stay." February 12, 2001.

"I want to thank the dozens of welfare to work stories, the actual examples of people who made the firm and solemn commitment to work hard to embetter [sic] themselves." April 18, 2002.

"The public education system in America is one of the most important foundations of our democracy. After all, it is where children from all over America learn to be responsible citizens, and learn to have the skills necessary to take advantage of our fantastic opportunistic [sic] society." May 1, 2002.

"Rarely is the question asked, is [sic] our children learning?" July 3, 2003.

"We ended the rule of one of history's worst tyrants, and in so doing, we not only freed the American [sic] people, we made our own people more secure." May 3, 2003.

"No President has ever done more for human rights than I have [sic]." January 19, 2004.

"I hear there's rumors on the internets [sic] that we're going to have a draft. We're not going to have a draft, period." October 8, 2004.

"I just don't think I ever said I'm not worried about Osama bin Laden. It's kind of one of those exaggerations [sic]." October 13, 2004.

"Our journey from national independence to equal injustice [sic] included the enslavement of millions, and a four-year civil war." May 7, 2005.

"And the best place to start is to make sure every child can read and write and add and subtract. And so that was the spirit behind proposing the No Child Left Behind Act. And as I mentioned, there was a lot of non-partisan cooperation -- kind of a rare thing in Washington. But it made sense when it come [sic] to public schools." January 9, 2006.

"You took an oath to defend our flag and our freedom, and you kept that oath underseas [sic] and under fire." January 10, 2006.

"And so, what Gen. Petraeus is saying, some early signs, still dangerous, but give me—give my chance a plan to work [sic]." April 24, 2007.

"Wisdom and strength, and my [sic] family, is what I'd like for you to pray for." May 2, 2007.

"More than two decades [sic] later, it is hard to imagine the Revolutionary War coming out any other way." July 4, 2007.

"As yesterday's positive report card shows, childrens [sic] do learn when standards are high and results are measured." September 26, 2007.

"I got a lot of Ph.D.-types and smart people around me who come into the Oval Office and say, 'Mr. President, here's what's on my mind.' And I listen carefully to their advice. But having gathered the device [sic], I decide, you know, I say, 'This is what we're going to do.'" October 3, 2007.

"I fully understand those who say you can't win this thing militarily. That's exactly what the United States military says, that you can't win this military [sic]." October 17, 2007.

"We're going to—we'll be sending a person on the ground there pretty soon to help implement the malaria initiative, and that initiative will mean spreading nets and insecticides throughout the country so that we can see a reduction in death of young children that—a death that we can cure [sic]." October 18, 2007.

"A clear lesson I learned in the museum was that outside forces that tend to divide people up inside their country are unbelievably counterproductive [sic]." After touring a genocide memorial, Kigali, Rwanda, February 19, 2008.




There are some good gaffes too:

"If you're a single mother with two children, which is the toughest job in America as far as I'm concerned, and you're working hard to put food on your family." January 27, 2000.

"This crusade, this war on terrorism is going to take a while." September 16, 2001.

"It would be a mistake for the United States Senate to allow any kind of human cloning to come out of that chamber." April 10, 2002.

"There's a lot of talk about Iraq on our TV screens, and there should be, because we're trying to figure out how best to make the world a peaceful place. There's an old saying in Tennessee—I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee—that says, fool me once, shame on—shame on you. Fool me—you can't get fooled again." September 17, 2002. (From the official transcript by the White House Press Secretary.)

"Then you wake up at the high school level and find out that the illiteracy level of our children are appalling." January 23, 2004.

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." August 5, 2004.

"And the question is, are we going to be facile enough to change with—will we be nimble enough; will we be able to deal with the circumstances on the ground? And the answer is, yes, we will." July 25, 2006.

"Iraq is a very important part of securing the homeland, and it's a very important part of helping change the Middle East into a part of the world that will not serve as a threat to the civilized world, to people like—or to the developed world, to people like—in the United States." April 3, 2007.




And then there are outright ri-fucking-diculous comments:

"I know that human being and fish can coexist peacefully." September 29, 2000.

"They want the federal government controlling Social Security like it's some kind of federal program." November 2, 2000.

"I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hannukah." December 10, 2001.

"You can't read a newspaper if you can't read." August 6, 2004.

"We understand the fright that can come when you're worried about a rocket landing on top of your home." May 17, 2007.

"You know, when you give a man more money in his pocket—in this case, a woman more money in her pocket to expand a business, it—they build new buildings. And when somebody builds a new building somebody has got to come and build the building. And when the building expanded it prevented [sic] additional opportunities for people to work." October 3, 2007.




Never again, Texas.


1. Bushisms
2. George W. Bush - Wikiquote

Monday, March 24, 2008

Conan the 'praying' chihuahua

"I think he saw me doing it all the time and got the idea to do it too."

1. 'Praying' dog at Japanese temple

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

The rhetoric of pretentious English grad students

We came up with an interesting mock discussion in Rhetoric today:

First speaker: Indeed, any meaningful deconstruction of T.S. Eliot's aforementioned allegorical peregrinations will at once reveal a trend in the resulting literary theory of recent post-structural discourse.

Other speaker: I concur to your most astute analysis, although his logistics are at times also indicative of later positivist sociological optimism.

Waitress: Would you like some more coffee?

First speaker: I acquiesce. I do desire to satiate my predilection for caffeinated beverages most promptly. As Carnap would say, "in coffee is the substantial unity and implorement of the spirit."

A Wednesday in Spring

My first essay for my creative non-fiction writing class, pre-workshop:

1. A Wednesday in Spring

The specific song I was listening to on my iPod at the moment I wrote of was "Vacant Sky" by I'm Not a Gun. I'm pretty sure it was immediately followed by "As Far As Forever Goes."


3/7 update:

Here it is again, without all those blatant, embarrassing errors.
2. A Wednesday in Spring (First Revision)


3/24 update:

Actually, don't read either of these. I'll have a revised version up before long.